Birthing myself…..

Rachael Crow Blog

I’ve written before about my journey feeling like the heroines journey, many times in my life i’ve been taken deep into the underworld, with addiction, cancer, menopause…all these thresholds are ones of facing death, making choices- to stay in the dark or return to the light?

Each time I’m returning to the light with more knowledge, more wisdom, more trust in the divine guidance of Spirit.

I have no doubt my menopause/cancer journey is still just at the beginning, that the recovery of the operation will bring many more dark nights of the soul, many more healing opportunities, as my ovaries are removed the oestrogen dominance I’ve experienced the last few years will come to an abrupt halt, I’ll become a post moon pause woman before my time- but heck, i’ve done all my transitions early and as my guides have told me, this was meant to be, there wasn’t any way out of this…and I guess all women have to experience the initiation of Moon Pause in some way.

And Goddess knows I tried every which way to avoid at least the surgery, but my hormones got the better of me!

(image, rose petal bath belly!)

So here I am, swollen, cancerous ovaries and womb, ready to be removed, every time I look at this pregnant like belly I remind myself I really am Birthing myself!

I am ready to birth myself into the next phase of my life…and I’m completely surrendering to what that might look like.

At the moment, in this Covid dominant world, we are cocooned as a family, making decisions about how to progress together, home schooling allows more freedom to move, to travel, my youngest wants to walk the Camino De Santiago…well that could be an adventure for next year! Who knows…it’s all up in the air…and it’s quite nice to have the space to choose to do nothing for a while.

my prayer is all the cancer is taken out in the op


In the meantime I’ve had 2 weeks of preparation for the surgery,  doing cremonies for myself, visualising a whole healthy me post surgery, my prayer is all the cancer is taken out in the op, that my womb and ovaries do their last job for me of keeping it all inside.

I’m sending reiki ahead to the hospital, seeing all the Drs and nurses as Angels come to support my healing journey.

I’ve made what iIm calling my Medicine Woman Belt (inspired by a visualisation I had a couple of years on the fertility massage training) and some beautiful knickers with a womb full of flowers to wear when I need a bit of womb power!

I’ve continued to have healing sessions distantly from friends, by skype and zoom.

I’ve got my bag packed with delicious juices, food, my homeopathy kit, books, cards and gifts from friends to inspire me, my journal….This time next week it will be done, I will be cancer free…I will be recovering…


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