I often wonder where my inner strength comes from…why I have such strong convictions in my life?
I questioned everything from an early age and I saw folk who were meant to be ‘holy and spiritual’ – and should know better behave badly.
In my convent school I was hit by nuns, after birthing my daughter out of wedlock my priest called her a sin and refused to baptise her- these incidents (and others)led be to turn away from organised religion.
My meditation teacher- an older guy that had an affair with an 18 year old student- I deduced men weren’t to be put on pedestals, we can all fall to temptation.
A counsellor breached appropriate boundaries by suggesting we move in together when I shared in a session I needed a house mate….even counsellors are messed up!!
A teacher of womens wisdom wanted an astronomical fee when I asked if she would share her work with a group of addicts I was working with. I was shocked and saddened she wouldn’t reduce her fee to work with a group of vulnerable women.
A yoga teacher injuring me and ridiculing me in class. Is this really the way a teacher of yoga should treat a student?
I was also raised in a home full of addiction and violence and lacking love, I learned to be self sufficient at a young age.
I began to trust my inner wisdom and my body over trusting others- which can be isolating, but it brought me to a place of belief we can all heal and be strong with the right tools.
I’m a complete book addict- I have shelves and shelves of self help books! And I love to suggest books to people, so many books have inspired big changes in my life. Whilst we do need support and community to change and grow, we can also do a LOT of work on our own.
The biggest change came for me when I faced my addictions and joined a recovery group- witnessing how a recovery group works, sharing and healing together- showing by example. There’s no leaders, we are all in it together! I still attend meetings, for the gifts of recovery given to me have meant a new life and I want to give that gift back to others, So I turn up to welcome new folk and show them it’s possible to live life without the crutches of booze and drugs (for some its also sex, gambling, shopping….) and be completely fulfilled.
I also have a mistrust of organisations- whether religious or spiritual- and of course we have all witnessed the fall of many gurus and people in power, I’m a lone wolf, I don’t join clubs, groups or anything where someone is “in charge”! No Dictatorship doesn’t attract me…even ones run by women! The power goes to their heads and patriarchy will enter the back door!
On my path to healing cancer I have had to stand up to so many Doctors, consultants, nurses who think they know better than me…and yes, they maybe experts in their field- but I am the expert of my body and I COMPLETELY TRUST its wisdom to heal itself- I trust food and what nature provides as medicine, I trust my Mother Spirit to heal me – She had the power to create me, She has the power to heal me- if I’m humble enough to ask Her, hand myself over and do Her will…not mine!
I know I am pushing buttons, its not easy if you’ve had a loved one die from cancer to hear that it can be ‘cured’ another way…I’m one of those people too, my father died from leukaemia, and I tried to get him to eat better, see healers, release the anger and resentments he had, but he didnt want to change, he trusted the doctors and taking the pills (chemo) is easier than changing- but is it? For in taking the pills- the poison, he died.
I am changing, I am healing, I am growing, I am standing up for womens health, I’ve seen miracles for the last 20 years of people from all walks of life stepping away from the sickness of addiction and in the last few years I’ve also heard miraculous stories and met people who have healed cancer. I know its possible so I will shout it from the roof tops! I will insist my doctors support my path and I will continue to push buttons- because thats what my healing journey is about. I’m not going anywhere but staying here, challenging things, waking folk up to a different way….This is Me!