I posted this image on social media recently and had quite a lot of resistance from women who struggle with their mother relationships.
I believe in healing our Mother Lines in whatever way we can, and yes, I know if we have dysfunctional families and we’ve removed ourselves from the toxicity it’s hard, but everything can be healed and theres no ‘right way’ to heal things.
We all can think no ones lives are as bad as ours, no one elses relationships are like ours…but believe me, after sitting in circle for almost 20 years with folk from all walks of life from mothers, fathers, doctors, single parents, social workers, healers, homeless, mechanics, teachers, hairdressers, house wives, headmistresses…..I have witnessed healing in the talking and opening our deep wounds, just from sitting, listening to one another from sharing our deepest darkest parts we realise we are not different from one another.
We are all abused in one way or another and are all potential abusers, and if we haven’t healed our past wounds we will be triggered into our hurts by our partners, work colleagues even our children.
One of the reasons I feel so strongly about doing “catch up ceremonies” is that by going back and healing and honouring those parts of our selves, especially the Mid Girl and Maiden years we are more able to be open and holding with our own daughters instead of being triggered by their needs as they hit the emotions and difficulties of growing up.
I was raised in a home full of addiction and violence. My mother was raised by a mother that was full of grief and anger, who much later in life was diagnosed schizophrenia. Although from the outside it all looked fine, inside there was a lack of holding and love, a lack of connection and communication.
I came to believe that I chose my parents and that life brings us lessons, and that theres a divine plan in everything. I forgave my mother for she didn’t know any better and using many different tools I healed my inner child and began to break the unhealthy patterns I had been unconsciously programmed with- by my parents, school, society.
There are many ways to heal relationships, and when counselling or direct healthy communication with the people involved isn’t possible there are other tools such as family constellations, visualisation and forgiveness techniques such as Louise Hays work and other techniques such as using Hoʻoponopono. (There really is no point trying to have healing/counselling/ sane communication with anyone in active addiction. The best thing you can do is walk away, until they are ready.)
We can only heal ourselves, we are totally powerless over anyone else, but we can change ourselves! There’s no use waiting around for others to change, or thinking we can change/fix them, all we can do is love others unconditionally and accept them- but that doesn’t mean we have to like their behaviour or put up with being treated badly.
Personally I had miraculous results sending reiki for the highest good to my family situation every day for 30 days. I had no expectation of the outcome – every other day I sent distant reiki back to my inner girl and on the other days in between I just sent general healing. This was many years ago and the events that unfolded that were miraculous, my grandmother left an abusive relationship and moved nearer my mother, they began to heal their relationship and my mother and I began to heal ours. In reality- it was a time where the reiki “opened me to love” and I was more able to be more accepting of my mother. I loved her but I hadn’t liked her behaviour.
Separating people from their behaviour helps us have compassion.
There are some people in my family that I just cannot be in relationship with as they are in active addiction/enabling patterns. I choose not to let them into my life, but I still love and have compassion for them and pray they will change their patterns when they are ready.
I work a lot with forgiveness, for some people just aren’t aware how their behavior effects us “forgive them for they know not what they do,” and I pray that we will all heal in our own time.
I have a beautiful visualization I like to to when i feel the weight of my ancestral patterns- imagining my mother and father lines and in whatever way comes to mind I ask them to lay their ‘baggage down” and not pass it on- sometimes this is imagining them throwing it in a ceremonial fire, other times we have buried it, other times angels carry it away! Its ok to use your imagination and see what comes, play with it!
When we continue to stay in the vibration of healing and love…ripples WILL go out, trust the process!! Keep healing and loving and together we can BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.
Rachael Crow Nov 2018