I have been blessed with the gift of time… I was expecting to have surgery last week to deal with my cancer spread but I was told I had to self isolate for two weeks so the surgery couldn’t be until the 24th…a frustation arose in me as I am ready to face this next stage in my healing journey, I’ve been preparing for months for surgery…and now more waiting… but a part of me knew I needed to surrender and trust I was being given these extra weeks to go even deeper with my healing, to have more time for self healing, building myself up and my health up to be totally ready.
Each day I have taken more and more time to meditate, release trauma, practising Ovarian Breathing, deeply listening to my body, womb and ovaries, to be in nature, to rest and prepare for this next threshold of my life…
And then I woke to my last blood, what a surprise! This year I have only had 2 bleeds, each around 70 days apart so I wasn’t expecting to have a bleed before my hysterectomy. What a gift. What grief arose.
I wanted to gather the women, to call out for a ceremony, to honour my blood with my sisters.
I sobbed into my journal, making notes on how I wished to honour this, my last ever bleed. I allowed the grief to arise, I journalled out my feelings around my last blood, stepping fully into menopause, letting go of my ovaries and womb, letting go of all my womb work….surrendering to this next transition.
And as is the divine perfection and timing of life, I had a beautiful online session prebooked with Ellie from Awen Healing Arts being witnessed and honoured in my journey. We filled my womb space with prayers, flowers, protection and love.
I came to a place of gratitiude, for not many of us know when our last blood will be, but with my op due next week, I’ve been blessed to know this is my last blood, and to have an opportunity to go deeper with my womb, to fully say good bye, to listen to any last whispers of wisdom, to fully go down into the grief.
And so I bled, I put my blood on my face, I collected some of my blood in a jar to add to my moon pause bundle, I sat with my bundle and considered the wisdom shared in our Moon Pause circles, and I tied my last rag on to my Staff of Wisdom.
I began my staff 5 years ago this month, almost on the date of my op, what syncronicities! I wound cloth strips around this staff each representing my moon time, from my menarche to present day, a journey of recapitulation, a catch up ceremony, going back, holding a rag for each bleed of my life… around 433 rags, 433 times I bled, many of these I honoured as I have been working with my moon time since I was in my early 20’s.
The strips of the past 5 years – around 50, having soaked in my moon blood, holding the sacred power of my blood. There was only just enough space to tie on one more rag. She is complete. I am complete. I am ready.
Huge thank you to all who are witnessing and supporting me…near and far. If you feel called, I would love my sister’s to light a candle and hold me through this transition.
Connect with me…..